Idaho Waffle Cross
Presented by: Trailhead Chiropractic and Bob's Red Mill
Barrier: Something that makes people crash (see Bunny hop and Joey-ed).
Belgium: Considered the homeland of cyclocross. All things Belgium are considered cool. Kind of the fixie of cyclocross.
Bunny Hop: A sure way to impress the crowd and the racers behind you. Former national champion Todd Wells is usually successful when attempting the bunny hop, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LRpBC_jkItI. Caution, bunny hopping could result in a Joey-ed.
BYRD: Mythical creatures resembling small children that frequent bike races in the Treasure Valley. Don’t be fooled, they look harmless, but given the chance, they will humiliate you in front of your peers and are always there to suck your wheel. Don’t feel bad, if you find yourself racing said creature, whom is often 10% of your body weight and height, consider faking a mechanical or injury. It is futile to try to beat them, you will lose. Getting beat by a BYRD is commonly referred to as getting ‘BYRD-ed’. Getting BYRD-ed is a rite of passage of bike racing in Boise. Only the old (35+) are safe, since they can choose to race against fellow old people (35+) and escape the wrath of the young BYRDS!
BYRD Hunting: The act of passing and leaving a BYRD in your dust. Doesn't happen very often but quite satisfying when it does. Since it is almost impossible to suck a BYRD's wheel and it doesn't do you any good if you do, the "hunter" has to be stealthy and be ready to make the "kill" at a moment's notice.
FLOCKED: The unfortunate and humiliating act of getting BYRD'ed by multiple BYRDS, this will usually happen at the finish line when you think that you are safe. Due to the small size and ability to suck your wheel (see above) they are often unseen until they go past you at which point it is much too late.
Cyclocross: Quote from cyclist Serena Bishop Gordon, "Cyclocross has its roots in Europe. Belgium is in Europe. Belgian waffles are from Belgium. Like beer, Belgian waffles taste good, go down smooth, and warm you up on a cold autumn day."
Cross the Pond: Pond = Atlantic Ocean. Cross the Pond = Going to Europe to race in the homeland of Belgium and Europe.
Cowbell: The bigger, the better. Melodic instrument used to keep track of cows or cross racers.
Diet: Chocolate, Waffles, Frites y Mayo, Mud, Chimay and Duvel.
Embrocation: A mysterious ointment to rub on your legs, to keep muscles warm, especially in cold weather. A person with common sense would just wear warm clothes, but in cyclocross, a racer must be tough and wear shorts, even in cold, “crossy” weather. Otherwise, how would one be able to show off their shaved legs?
Frites: Belgian for fries, often eaten with mayonnaise. In Idaho, we call them French fries and serve them with special sauce. In France, le French fry, served with attitude.
Hole Shot: The place everyone at the start line wants to be at the first turn it means that you are at that point in first place and can be the one to open up the door to the Pain Cave or Hurt Locker.
Hup! Hup!: Phrase used to encourage racers to hurry up and go faster.
Hup! Hup! Buttercup!: Phrase used to encourage a loved one to hurry up and go faster. May be used outside the realm of a cyclocross race.
Hurt Locker: A place one seeks to stay in as long one can during a cyclocross race. No pain, no gain, or in cyclocross, if it doesn’t hurt, then you probably aren’t going fast enough.
Joey-ed: A spectacular crash, where the participant does not die. Often evokes spontaneous crowd reactions ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bEGAIYKTZ9w ). When witnessing a Joey-ed, if at any time you feel uncomfortable laughing at another’s misfortune, it is generally acceptable to tell everyone the subject is okay, even if they are not moving. Another way to impress the crowd and fellow racers if you cannot bunny hop.
Off camber: Bikes helped prove the Earth is indeed not flat. Off camber refers to slopes that are of odd angles, which make bike handling tricky. Off camber corners are a “fun” obstacle found in many of the local races in the Boise area.
Pain Cave: Synonym for Hurt Locker.
Pure, Sweet, Hell: = Cyclocross Race. Depending on race category, will last between 30 and 60 minutes.
Sand: Common course feature found at famous international cyclocross races such as Koksijde and Sandy Point. Sometimes ridable (cool factor = high), but most often times must cross via foot. Beware of the infamous sand snakes whom eat front wheels, making racer go a#@ over tea kettle into the sand.
Shouldering: An alternative bike carrying technique to suit casing.
Skin Suit: = Coolness, like Belgium. Wearing skin suits can’t be explained in any other way. Usually skin suits are worn for aerodynamics. Cyclocross is not a sport concerned with aerodynamics, rather coolness (see Joey-ed; Bunny hop; Hole shot).
Suit Case: A common technique used to get the cyclocross bike over a barrier. All baggage fees are included in the race entry fee, no extra charges are required.
“It’s ON, like Donkey Kong”: A phrase to denote that it's time to throw down or compete at a high level; something is about to go down. Imagine Donkey Kong on a bike vs. a BYRD. Rumored to be cycling announcer extraordinaire David Towle’s (http://303cycling.com/interview-david-towle-man-behind-the-mic) first words.
Sven Nyss: The Elvis of cyclocross, except he is still alive, but so is Elvis.
Turtling: (1) the act of laying on your back helplessly after crashing on the bike due to the forgetful act of unclipping your pedals before ‘deciding’ to crash. For example of turtling, see end of video, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GKtikZa-4Rc&feature=relmfu (8:20). (2) an emergency where one’s pet turtle needs to go for a swim, IMMEDIATELY!!!
Weather: Good cross weather is what normal people call bad weather. Rain, snow, and mud is what cross racers lust after. Good cross weather can sometimes be stated as, “Oh, the weather looks crossy!”. Blue bird days are less than desirable.